The first day of engineering school, someone stood on a stage and declared out loud “we have designed this system to make you fail. We want you to fail. This program will be a sink or swim mentality”. Me being 17 at the time, I barely listened I was probably overexcited by all the new people I have yet to meet but for some reason those words have never left my mind.
The first year of engineering was filled with classes, labs, exams, quizzes, assignments, socializing and pressure pressure pressure. Seeing people having mental breakdowns in computer labs or in the halls was the norm. Yes, I know I am making it sound like a mental asylum but truly, the weak broke. I was lucky that I was 17 and below the legal drinking age, and therefore could not participate in going out and spent my entire time studying.I was lucky. I met an amazing Korean friend who never judged me and instead, taught me everything to do with math and calculus. We would sit in some basement computer lab, share ADHD pills together, and study for days on end. After all, I had to prove to everyone that I was not just a stupid pretty girl.
One class in particular during first year was “statics and dynamics” and the ending result was 49% fail rate of 700 students. This was my first experience with an Iraqi professor and I won’t lie to you, he was not a great professor. Arrogant and dismissive. He pressed his thumb extra hard on me and I hated him for it but in the end, I passed the class. A big surprise for some of my male colleagues who couldn’t believe they were outsmarted by a stupid pretty girl ;)
I finished first year with flying colours and did not fail anything and successfully made into my discipline of choice: Petroleum Engineering.Can you blame a girl for being attracted to the black gold? Perhaps my early success led me to feel some arrogance and I let my guard down. I did not work as hard during second year because I felt “safe” but oh no, engineering school is never the kind of place to let your guard down and reality slapped me across the face pretty quickly. I was served with an academic probation and given a very clear warning that if I don’t step up my game, I will be required to withdraw. My swim mentality kicked in and immediately I made drastic changes.The first to go were my friends. I changed my friend circle, deleted my social media accounts, quit my job, and put my head down to work.
I took the same workload as everyone else, had to navigate the social dynamics of university life, and was received with tyrannical blows every day at home. There was no time to stop or think or breath or cry or complain. I jumped from one war zone and took the bus to the next one. I repeated this for 5 years straight until I surrendered the fight and ran away from one war zone but refused to give up on the other one. Everything in life is about choice. I made the choice to prioritize my goals and ambitions over everything and everyone. I paid a heavy price for my choices but do I regret it? How can I? would I even be Sura today?
Honestly, I would have described myself as a rather mechanical thinker when I started engineering school in the sense that I had no idea how to think. Engineering school gave me the tools to operate like a computer. I now gather data, analyze, ponder, come to conclusions, and strategize a course of action. There is no problem too complicated to solve. Engineering school saved my life. Who knows what kind of dark hole I would have ended up in had I succumbed to the pressures of my war zones.
Engineering school is a soft core war zone and a team sport.You could not do it alone. I lived between two simultaneous war zones: engineering school and my home, a tyranny so cruel I have yet to find the words to describe it. There was no time to be a victim, I had to survive. Life gave me everything necessarily for success. I received good looks, a brain, and drive but life is never too generous to anyone and so in return it took away from me love, support, and family. I realized early on that this was the hand I was dealt, and I had to make a choice either to play the heck out of my deck or sit in the corner and cry about it. You already know which one I chose.
